Wikipedia is Always Right

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If it’s printed on the Internet, you’d better believe that it’s true. I saw something interesting while reading about Honda this morning… Since I figure someone will change it soon, I’ll post this goodness here. No doubt Wikipedia is filled with these kinds of minutiae (many of them more outlandish than this) that one can fill a lifetime in trying to address them all; this one just caught me unawares.

Asshole-Driven Development

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Here is a blog post on the latest in the trend of programming methodologies that take a more, ahem, *realistic* view at corporate and software development culture. While I may be guilty of some of these, all I ask is to work with people who know what they’re doing, and whose code I can trust (without having to second-guess/proofread). Good help is hard to find…

Schrodinger’s LOLcat

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Who doesn’t like LOLcats? Here’s one that I particularly liked, called Schrodinger’s LOLcat (a take on Schrodinger’s Cat, click the link to learn more if you’re not a quantum physicist).

More UFC goodness

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Jackie, you’ll like this one.

Weiner dogs are funny!

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DACHSHUNDS WITH ERECTIONS
by
Les Barker

Each night she’s on the balcony
He loves her from afar
His soft, sad eyes are hypnotised
She shines down like a star.
His heart will break forever
His kind can’t have affairs
For Dachshunds with erections…
Can’t climb stairs.

His home’s a humble bungalow
And her’s a penthouse flat
He cannot go where she can go
And that, they say. is that.
He never can be near her
Although she knows he cares
For Dachshunds with erections…
Can’t climb stairs.

You want to win a woman?
Just be cool… be aloof
The dog who doesn’t hit the stairs
Can make it to the roof.
The dog who doesn’t care
Will be the dog who wins the day
You’ll never get to heaven…
With your chopper in the way.

The spirit soars, the body falls
And heavy lies the heart
That cries out with the pain of love
Be still my broken part.
How painful is the passion
And painful the repairs
For Dachshunds with erections
Can’t climb stairs.

(and now, some videos!  Here’s one, and here’s another!)

Best Blonde Joke EVAR!!!

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That sounds immature, doesn’t it?  Well, if you thought that was immature, just wait until you feast your eyes on this, the best blonde joke ever conceived!

And now for something completely different

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Monty Python’s Flying Circus - Just the words

Every episode. Not the songs. Not the movies. Just the words.

Reason to Get Pregnant #23565

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You get a great place to put your drink!

People are dumb

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I was sitting in my office at SMU this afternoon when I heard a loud crunch outside. So I looked out the window and saw a guy in what looked like a Dodge Ram up against one of the the lightposts in the Science parking lot. As I’m thinking to myself about what a dumbass this guy has to be for ramming a lightpost in the middle of an empty parking lot, he gets out to survey the damage, scratches his head, and gets back in his truck to drive away. His front end looked none the worse for wear…

As he was driving away, when he went to make a turn I heard a HORRIBLE screeching sound coming from his truck. I guess the little encounter with the concrete had a more severe effect on his truck than he’s anticipated. It sounded like something was grinding seriously, or that he was intentionally peeling his tires in the parking lot, it was quite sick. He drives over to some of his friends in the lot, while they’re standing around in the rain eithr trying to console this jackhole or trying to figure out what was wrong with his truck. It was all quite amusing. At least it wasn’t raining in my office.

As for whatever happened to truck boy? I really don’t care, truth be told.

Drinker’s Dictionary

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The Drinker’s Dictionary

How many of these terms can you relate to?

We the jury find the defendant creepy

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Michael Jackson trial ended yesterday. Thank God THAT’s over. Regardless of his guilt, I hope he goes away for a long, long time. He’s proven that he can’t bring the new anymore, regardless of his past successes.

Lots of celebrities have had their say, but as far as I’m concerned, the only bit worth listening to is from Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog (this aired on the Conan show last week or so, it’s 9 minutes of awesome).

A Blast From The Past

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Our youth was a wild and crazy time. Some people would rather forget when foolishness they were a part of when they were young, while others embrace it as a part of who they are. My teen years were pretty boring, so I live vicariously through the pictures of the stuff Melissa’s friends did when they were young and foolish (these days, they’re just foolish).

So, for your edification, I present, in all his glory, Pat McMahon, wearing one of Melissa’s sports bras (and, unless I’m mistaken, a touch of lipstick).

Pat wearing a bra

This picture was taken around 7 years ago, and had been hiding in a box in our closet. Thanks to some sleuthing work (i.e., Melissa was spring-cleaning) on our part (and a little help from our scanner), we’ve helped to make the Internet a better place. Or a more disturbing place. Or something. *cough*

A Lot to Worry About…

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Some fatherly wisdom:

“I’m glad my first child was a boy, because that means only one penis to worry about. Had it been a girl, I’d have had to worry about all the penises in town!”

The Future of Television

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The Future of Television - Next Frontiers - MSNBC.com

Conan O’Brien thinks he knows what the future holds for TV. While he’s probably right, I think the prohibitive costs of setting up television shows on Mars (and the ultimate “time delay” which it entails) will ultimately prevent it from becoming the TV filming hotspot that he claims it will.

toothpaste for dinner

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toothpaste for dinner

Some irreverent humour for our irreverent times. Lots of Ohio, hamster, and bigfoot references too, I’m not sure why. A great way to whittle away a few hours.

Puns Galore

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(again, not mine)

FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE (OR SEVERE DISTORTIONS THEREOF)

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.

A New Pope!

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Well, the white smoke has emerged from the Sistine Chapel, signifying the election of a new Pope for the Roman Catholic Church. And in an exclusive coup, I happen to have his picture right here:

pope

Catholics everywhere rejoice! Allelu –u -u — ia!!

The Laws of Cartoon Thermodynamics

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In light of a post on Singer’s blog regarding Looney Tunes and how Warner’s is bringing them into the age of sucktitude (although to be fair, I enjoyed Tiny Toon Adventures when it was on the air in the nineties), I thought that it’d be interesting to take a look at the physical laws (or lack thereof) of the cartoon world. Note that this mostly applies to Warners’ cartoons, but can be extended to other shows of that vein.

Laws of Cartoon Thermodynamics

(I didn’t write this, obviously)

Pics Jeremy Wilson Likes

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Ever wonder where all those bizarre pictures you get in your inbox come from? Me neither. But this guy (well, the guy on the right… the guy on the left has been IN his share of pictures, knowwhatI’msayin’) has collected a whole whack of them and puts them on his LJ site regularly. Every one of these things is pure GOLD.

Clicky!

We Need More Stupid Holidays!

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Today is Valentine’s Day, the holiday for romantics everywhere. As most people will tell you, I’m not exactly romantic (ask Melissa about the infamous “burgers and rice for supper” story, she’ll know the one). The point is that we have this Hallmark holiday on our hands to honour our loved ones (we should be doing this every day, not just once a year), and popular culture expects us to get them flowers, or candy, or some other foolish giftamabob. I’m sure, though, that the Powers That Be at the card companies are thinking up new ideas for holidays for which they can make us feel obligated to buy things (like Love Day).

So what’s next? Well, here are a few ideas:

  • Tax Collector’s Day: These people don’t get any respect, so it’s only fair that a day should be set aside to give them their props. I mean, how else are we expected to get rid of all this money we’re sitting on? Spend it?
  • Washed-Up 80’s Pop Star’s Day: Rick Astley, Cyndi Lauper, and that guy from Flock of Seagulls, this one’s for you.
  • Politician’s Day: On second thought, scratch that idea.
  • Part-time Instructor’s Day: Gotta get mine somehow…
  • Transgender’s Day: Show some love to those people who know who’s had their indoor plumbing converted to outdoor plumbing, knowwhatI’msayin’.
  • Apple-and-cinnamon-based-desserts Week: One day’s not enough. Bring on the cobbler!!
  • Kid’s Day: Actually, this is any day that’s NOT already a holiday. Spoiled kids.
  • Hallmark Holiday #8: If this one ever comes up, be warned: they’ll have officially run out of ideas.
  • and last, but not least, Flower Day: I’ve already gone over this one. Follow the link.

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